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Last Updated: August 13, 2020


We all cherish our mobile devices and entrust them with so much information and secrets, and sometimes really private secrets … secrets that are so ugly and embarrassing, and should not be eating up our storage!

Come to think of it, do these shiny little devices know more than they should? What if they ended up in the wrong hands, or stolen, or in the worst-case scenario, data mined by rogue persons?

So, what are these UGLY PRIVATE SECRETS our smartphones know about us?


1.  Our Best Morning Friend!

Let’s face it, how often do you say a little prayer or ‘Morning’ to your spouse before reaching out for that smartphone when you wake up? Probably very few times!

I am assuming the first thing that crosses your mind the minute you wake up … even before you open our eyes, is your smartphone!

When you must visit the washroom you carry it along and are oblivious of everything else! Not until you have quenched your digital curiosity do you say a prayer, greet, and brush.

toilet frogs: private secrets in the toilet
What are you if you have to use your smartphone in the loos?

This happens because we all want to catch up with the latest gossip, the midnight hearsay, the Likes, and of course indulge in early morning gossip.


2.  Our Dirty Phone Secrets!

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when handing over your cell phone for friends to have a look at a picture, and they take the liberty to swipe through the entire gallery? They are bound to catch a glimpse of stuff meant for your eyes only. Much as they have no right to take this liberty, you are more than guilty of the dirt stored therein.

They include:

  • private pictures you captured that you should not have
  • the ugly videos and images you downloaded from a naughty social media group
  • the embarrassing conversation snapshots
  • other stuff you just cannot remember
dirty phone and private secrets in tech
The content shocker

3.  The Ugly Chats!

While you are a perfect gentleman or lady in the public eye because you are known for choosing your words carefully, the reverse could be true about your habits online. You happily and ruthlessly partake in language that is unlike you in public discourse.

God forbid if someone else has to go through the raunchy chats you have had for years with some of your friends!

Thank God it is only your smartphone and the chat apps that have to know these and other private secrets!


4.  We Gossip!

nonstop chats
Negative effects of social media arise from smartphone overuse

In line with the embarrassment chats, you are also notorious for bad-mouthing your spouses, children, friends, and foes. Your chats go overboard and you label our spouse ugly, your kids dumb and your friends useless. The words you use are in sharp contrast with what you say to the same people in real life.

The cell phones absorb the stupid and uncoordinated thoughts probably in utter shock and disbelief.


5.  We Are Ugly!

One of the ugly phone secrets is the fact you do not love, let alone like yourself. This starts when you have to capture limitless selfies simply because you are looking for ONLY that one shot that will wow the world.

Of course you are driven by the desire to show the world how handsome or beautiful you are.

In so doing, you swap clothes, poses, facial expressions, backgrounds, etc.

If these do not help you edit and paint your faces using all sorts of editing tools.

I guess cell phones get a shocker and are confused most of the time. They probably wonder why humanity is so negative about itself.

the smartphone knows the hiding guy
The feeling you are not cute may lead to low self-esteem

6.  We are Stalkers!

Perhaps due to our cowardly nature and greed, we take to the internet to scout for beautiful and handsome faces and routinely check their Timelines and Feeds. For whatever reason, we are unwilling to confess about this. We remain silent or opt for unconventional routines such as stalking, sexual innuendos.

The arrogant ones take it to the next level by tormenting their stalkees even to the extent of torture if the latter are unwilling participants.

Others become dormant towards their real-life partners because of what they assume is missing, or when they choose to micro cheat.


7.  We Lie!

We all probably lie here and there, and for both good and wrong reasons. We tell white lies to comfort and soothe the children and bad lies to evade ugly situations and recriminations.

Our cell phones probably can or may not differentiate between the two but are made to accept all.  If they were humans, they would not manage a day without a migraine.

We lie to our,

  • children
  • spouses
  • tax collector
  • bosses
  • employees

The list is endless. Overall, cell phones absorb and store amazing piles of lies and private secrets that would cause real trouble if ever they were to see the light of day.


8.  We are Lonely!

Why are you so attached to cell phones and not real people around you? Maybe it is because of the excitement of using new gadgets, and the possibility they will make you feel better. The truth is, you use your phone and the internet to connect with people you know and those you don’t. Sometimes, you do it for sinister reasons.

We build a colossal network of people we know little about and hope to find solace in them. Chatting and connecting become ends in themselves that we forget what really matters in life.

This objective cannot be achieved online. As such, we alienate ourselves from people who matter: family, friends and society.

The phone sees and cannot explain the misconnection!


9.  We are Addicts!

Now, if waking up to your cell phone in the morning is not the problem, then your indulgence during the day is. You check your smartphone more times than you look into the eyes of real people around you.

You have less time for family and friends and choose to engage with your smartphone for as long as time allows.

Your inability to engage with children means you cannot nurture them as you should. Children too, observe just cell phone madness takes a toll and learn that these little devices are after all man’s best friends.

If phones could talk, they would probably remind us to take a break and get our lives back.


10.  We are Probably Idiots!

phone idiots
Our cells are killing us slowly

To top it up all, our smartphones probably see a society of lost and disconnected people who use them with reckless abandon – a society of idiots, so to say.

Cell phones are at the center of our lives that we disregard even the health warnings associated with them. We do not want to accept they are hazardous. For one, we do not care to read the RF Exposure notice provided on our phones.

We imagine all the warnings are a pile of lies and choose to do what suits us best.


The Last Word!

There isn’t much other than cautioning every single one of us to get rid of all those phony and private secrets. Bury them and let the phone relax.


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